Tired of taking your furry friend outside in bad weather and waiting too long for them to go to bathroom? Purchase one of our Designer Dogs and your foul weather time will be cut to zero. All of our dogs come synced to a smartphone from birth and will evacuate their bowels or kidneys with a swipe of your finger.
The key to our technology is to keep the designer dog locked in close quarters with the smartphone until they reach purchase age. Our scientists have isolated the genes and breeds that acclimate the best to having their internal organs stimulated wirelessly. You may wonder what we do with a dog that is unresponsive to the technology. Well it is a dog eat dog world and those dogs that don't make the grade become grade A dog food.
Our technicians belief that soon we will be able to offer an attack mode for law enforcement. That's right order your designer dog now and don't be left out in the cold. Cut your dog walking bills in half by syncing rover's smartphone with your treadmill. The smartphone is fully functional and we urge you to use it as your personal phone and data surfing device.
Some of you may be skeptical or appalled by Designer Dogs. We want to assure those people that we had the highest standards in ethics in mind when we began the company. You see, when mobile telephones were growing in popularity the government had the option of mandating that all phones be waterproof to safeguard our waterways. The government didn't act and now we have an environmental hazard of epic proportions on our hands. We ask skeptics this: How many of you would pay a professional dive team to retrieve your phone from a waterway even if it was waterproof? The cost of a dive team is usually more than the cost of a new smartphone so our projections are that most would not recover the phone which will deteriorate and pollute for years to come.
With designer dogs you will have to watch your pet suffer and die if you do not recover the phone it was originally conditioned with. As we said, with technology and living organisms reaching a merge point, we have the highest standards of ethics in mind with our designer dog product. It's much harder to design a smartphone that floats than it is to train a dog to retrieve an underwater object or watch as its instincts naturally search for its missing link until retrieved.
The founder of Designer Dogs, Dwight D., even thought of a design that used automobile airbag technology to help retrieve waterlogged electronics. A small airbag would be placed in the battery compartment of a device and after a certain amount of exposure to moisture the chemicals in the airbag would expand turning into a foam and blow the back cover off of the device. A tether line would be connected to the foam and take the device to the water's surface. Dwight D. found that with large companies like Monsanto owning actual patents on life itself, he would be better off finding a country to allow him to do his dog experiments, than to try to patent his device design. So, if you're concerned about what electronics do to the environment or just want a pet with minimal time commitment sign up for a Designer Dog on the order form below and one of our operators will be in touch soon.
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